


Cause you're all I need

by luv_u_4eva_418



Series: Brian&Justin lyrics [2]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2014-08-18
Packaged: 2018-02-13 17:49:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2159604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luv_u_4eva_418/pseuds/luv_u_4eva_418
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thank you to Sam Smith and the song 'Stay with Me'</p>
<p>neither belongs to me  :(</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cause you're all I need

“Cause you’re all I need”

 

As much as he wanted to be gone, he couldn’t do it. He didn’t have the courage to just do what needed to be done. He couldn’t leave them alone in this awful world.

 

Even if they didn’t care anymore…even if they had moved on and left him behind of their own free will, he could never do something so drastic.

 

Even if it was something that ate at him every single second of every single day of his life since he had made the move.

 

*~*~*~*

 

The drugs helped cover up the pain so much. It helped to dull the loneliness but it also kept him from painting what he wanted to paint.

 

He wanted to get the pictures of Brian out of his mind. He needed to erase the memoires of Gus and Lindsay and Mel and his mom and the rest of his friends, but while strung out he couldn’t.

 

It wasn’t that he couldn’t paint, he just wasn’t able to get the pictures right. It always seemed as if they were distorted in some way, but the few galleries that he went to seemed to love his pieces.

 

They said that the pieces touched on a piece of humanity that was rarely seen on a canvas…something that few were able to bleed out of their minds onto something that could be considered art.

 

And so here he was.

 

*~*~*~*

 

He loved so hard.

 

Missed so hard.

 

Hurt so bad.

 

Cared so much.

 

Cared so little.

 

Needed the pain.

 

Craved the ability to let go.

 

*~*~*~*

 

All he had ever needed was someone to love him the way that he loved them. He thought he had that in his family and friends. He thought that after getting away from his father that things would be different, and for awhile they were.

 

Then he had moved.

 

And everyone had been there for him, and then they weren’t.

 

He still didn’t know what happened, apart from being confronted by one of his ‘friends’ and not being able to defend himself, they had all abandoned him to the city that tore him down.

 

Everything that had kept him sane and alive had been ripped from him and he had no idea why. He had no one to ask…no one to talk to…no one that care.

 

They had all moved on and left him alone.

 

*~*~*~*

 

He didn’t want to be here, in fact he wanted to be any place but where he was at the moment.

 

But his manager told him that if he wasn’t there than neither was his art, so he was in a gallery in the big city watching as people stared at his art and picked it apart.

 

He didn’t want to hear what they had to say, because they only people who mattered any more weren’t here…wouldn’t have come even if he had asked…because in the beginning he had asked so many times for a visit, but never did anyone come.

 

So, alone with his art, he watch from a darkened corner as art ‘critics’ walked around the different pieces he and a few others had hanging up.

 

He needed to escape the black hole what was edging his way…he needed to slip out the back and score something before he lost it…again.

 

*~*~*~*

 

Back in his little corner of the room, hidden by partitions and large canvases, he was able to ride the weightless feeling.

 

The drugs only lasted so long, but he would soon be able to escape this. He would soon be able to hide away back in his apartment, away from people who only cared for what was on the walls.

 

There were times when things got so bad for him that he considered using his blood in the place of red paint. He had wanted to abandon everything so quickly, leave it all behind and be at peace once more…but he could never push past the thought of leaving those he loved behind.

 

Hidden in his little corner of the world he could see all the people. He watched as husbands walked slightly behind their wives. Watched as older women gasped at some of the erotic nature of his paintings.

 

Watched as those who weren’t alone…were loved.

 

*~*~*~*

 

The door was pushed open and it stopped.

 

He couldn’t breathe…couldn’t move.

 

He had tried for so long to forget, but he couldn’t’.

 

He needed to get out of here.

 

Had to get away.

 

Had to move away from this corner, because he wasn’t able to be here anymore.

 

The door was pushed open in front of him.

 

Slipping out of it he heard a voice get lifted but didn’t dare hope it was for him.

 

It hadn’t been for so long, why should it be now?

 

The drugs were awesomely strong…where could he get more?

 

*~*~*~*

 

He had made it home before the dreams of those he wanted overtook him.

 

Lying under the thin blankets he had he cuddled into a ball, thinking back to the time when we had strong arms wrapped around him…protecting him from what was to harm him.

 

He needed those arms so very bad right now, because the monsters from his nightmares were coming back to life and he wasn’t strong enough to fight them.

 

_Leaning back into the strong chest of his lover he couldn’t help but smile as the stronger arms wrapped around him, holding him through another bad dream._

_Standing with his mother and sister he laughed along with them as they told a story about a family they had seen the mall._

_Eating lunch with Emmett had always brought a smile to his face and gossip to him too._

He hated to think about them, they were often the cause of him not getting any sleep, but tonight he was unable to run away from his demons. Unable to escape those who had left him all alone when he needed them the most.

 

*~*~*~*

 

The drugs had faded.

 

The pain was still there.

 

The vision that constantly swept through his mind wouldn’t leave.

 

Being alone didn’t help.

 

It never did.

 

But, he hadn’t been able to stop it.

 

He needed to fix things.

 

But never could.

 

The thought of needing someone scared the shit out of him.

 

The thought of having them and then being left again stilled him.

 

He wanted more, but couldn’t trust again.

 

*~*~*~*

 

For the longest time after being so coldly cut off he had tried to figure out what he had done to make everyone hate him so. He had thought back to what he had said or written, but there was nothing there. There was no reason for what had been done to him.

 

So many times had he texted and called and written, but yet he got nothing in return.

 

But, as much as he had wanted to know then, he really didn’t care now.

 

All he had needed in the world, all he had ever wanted was no longer an option for him.

 

All he had now was his painting and his memories and the drugs. His only companions.

 

As much as that hurt, he had come to see that those three things were all he needed.

 

 


End file.
